Identities jokes
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.
I took my girlfriend to the beach and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale!
You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
Today I feel Qatari. Today I feel Arab. Today I feel African. Today I feel gay. Today I feel disabled. Today I feel a migrant worker.
Is that my student?
Na! It is Jesus!
Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
Why does Elmo turn emo? Because he's Elmo emo.
I am cool.
This is not a joke. Have you ever thought about it? You’re an emo while wearing black. So what if you are black? Does that mean you’re an emo because you are black and emos wear black? ;)
The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
When your cousin dies and everybody thinks you're her.
FUCKING MENT
When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.
FUCKING MENT
Your head was mistaken for a chicken wing.