What's the difference between a priest and a pimple? A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed". I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there son".
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
This is a joke. laugh now or else.
Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims Because they've already been roasted
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?
They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book
used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask.....
Yet here i am, stuck at home in this covid19 Thriller, Beating it.....
what do you call a stand up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?????????????
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
i'll never forget my dads last words before he kicked the bucket: "hey, look how far i can kick this bucket!!"
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage
So you start singing it’s the best day ever
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% Graduation rate and he said "Your mom doesn't count as a college"
why couldnt sally get back up? because she has no friends
Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered, You breastfeed like this🌬💨
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
Why can't an orphan be gay?? Because they don't have anyone to call daddy ( My bad if this offended anyone)
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
miracle whip
