Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
Shower thoughts
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?
Special head.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
When does a Cub become a Boy Scout? When he eats his first brownie.
What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is usually a feather; kinky is using the whole chicken.
A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look, Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!”
The boy finds his father and says, “Look, Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law? A small medium at large.
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."