Hows jokes
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Throw a brick in its mouth.
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
How many South Africans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Brazilian.
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
How do Germans tie their shoes? Answer: In Nazis!
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
American: How do you use a PC?
Amish: We use a potato.
I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.
How do you make a baby cry?
You run over it with a lawn mower.
How do you make a baby cry?
You punch it in the face.
How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
How do you saw an apple with no mouth?
A P P L E
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.