Hows jokes
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
How did the skeleton know it was about to rain?
"Because he felt it in his bones?"
No,
He read the weather app, you idiot.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
How did Sally die?
She got shot.
How? She could not run away.
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
How did Stephen Hawking become a billionaire?
He won the F1 Wheelchair race.
How do you get a Pikachu on a bus?
You poke it on.
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
A drunk guy asked his penis: 《Tell me, how can you get shorter and longer and I can't?》
《Why don't you speak to me?》
《Stop getting shorter and longer or I will choke you.》
《Oh yeah, I like it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)》
Hhhhhhhhh ♪(┌・。・)┌