Howe jokes
How are baseball and an orphan different?
A baseball game you can do a home run.
How do emo kids compliment each other? They say, "I like your cuts, G!"
How many times did Rob O'Neill shoot Bin Laden? 911 times.
How many times was Osama bin Laden shot?
911 times.
How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it!
Memes
How do you kidnap Stephen Hawking?
Shut off his computer.
Why don't orphans know how to play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
How did the gay man die? Homicide.
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.
How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.
How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, there is no electricity.
How do you make a child’s parents happy?
Put the child to sleep.
How did the bullet lose its job? It got fired!
How do you be friends with a musician?
B minor.
"Hey, Firesharky... How did you know if I was your brother when I'm not? You didn't even say my name, and plus, I'm lying about my name."
Q: How do you get 50 babies in a bucket?
A: With a blender!
Q: How do you take them out?
A: With Doritos!