Howe jokes
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
How does a train eat?
"Chew chew!"
How do you find Will Smith?
You look for the Fresh Prince.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Memes
My brother when he's mad
How many thots have I bullied?
Three. The rest are dead.
How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
How does an emo greet people?
“What’s down?”
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
*Shotguns in a nutshell*
2B: MUST.
4B: ADD.
6B: MORE.
12B: *B A R R E L S*
*And that's how multi-barrel shotguns were made.*
How does an orphan call his parents?
"..."
Bully: How is your girlfriend?
Me: I don't have one!
Bully: I know!
Me: How are your parents?
*Walks out of orphanage*
How do bees go to school?
They go on a school buzz.
How many Emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark crying.
None, they sit in the dark cutting their wrists.
My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.
A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"
I wonder how many people read this wrong.
Why do people play basketball?
Because they want to learn how to suck balls.
I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏