Howe jokes

A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"

Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

How do you organize a space party? You "planet" with some "cheddar" and "brie"-pare for launch!

How is a woman like a road?

They both have manholes.

How do blind kids get punished?

By moving the furniture around the house.

How did 10 die?

Because it was in between 9 and 11.

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.

Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.

How dare you people make 9/11 jokes? It's just "plane" rude!

How do you talk to a giant?

Use big words.

How do you get 1000 followers?

Walk into an African village with a water bottle.

How do you get a hippy pregnant?

Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.

How do you get the emo girl out of the tree?

You cut the rope.

How many balls do you have on your body?

2. Your butt.

I have a better version of this joke.

How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.

How does the earth rate its sex?

Earthquake, Cataclysm, Volcano explosion, Earth's core explodes.

If the earth's core explodes, then he got tore up!

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

How is toilet paper recycled?

Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.

How many letters are in the English Alphabet?

Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.