Howe jokes
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
What is the only thing lesbians know how to grow? Cucumbers.
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
Memes
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
How many letters are in the English Alphabet?
Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.
Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
Yo mama so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
How do fuck a really fat chick?
Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
Hello, everyone, how is your day today?
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
How did Mace Windu die?
He fell out the windoo.
Q: How do you see a bad joke?
A: Look in the mirror.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
How dare you people make 9/11 jokes? It's just "plane" rude!
How is a woman like a road?
They both have manholes.