Howe jokes
🌍: You're so hot!
🌎: How are you single?
☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the Wi-Fi cord.
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill his family.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
Memes
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
More than 9 because my basement's still dark.
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."
What's the time?
How would I know?
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
How do you organize a space party? You "planet" with some "cheddar" and "brie"-pare for launch!
How do you see past that forehead?
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
How do you kill a spider?
Just get an autistic person.
Jeffrey Dahmer likes his men how he likes his coffee: black and ground up.