Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.
Howe Jokes
Nobody knows how bad you smell.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You Poker Face.
What's the time?
How would I know?
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!
Hi Mom, how are you doing?
"Hi, honey, how do you want buns?"
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled away and his charger unplugged.
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
Yo mama so dumb, she asked how much a free sample was.
How do you organize a space party? You "planet" with some "cheddar" and "brie"-pare for launch!
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.
Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.
Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."
Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."
"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."
Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.
