Howe jokes
How do skyscrapers make friends?
They reach out.
How do you trick a camel jockey into drinking a bottle of watermelon schnapps?
Pour watermelon seeds into a bottle of watermelon schnapps.
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
Memes
Like how do I say it?
Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell them to stand in the corner in a round room.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
How did the cookie 🍪 feel when he was dunked in milk?
Batter.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With Caesar!
How to turn on an Indian: push the red button.
How many people fit in a tree?
I don't know, you tell me.
Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
On a scale from 1 to America, how free are you this weekend?
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.