Howe jokes

A man is walking into the woods with a young boy.

Boy: “Hey mister, it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.”

Man: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?

Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.

"How was your day?"

"It was great."

"What was so great about it?"

"I saw a puppy."

"Awww."

"And I ran over it :)"

How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?

It has an extra crumb-osome.

Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"

Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"

God says, "You are what you are."

Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the homepage.

How do you punish a blind person?

Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up like an altar boy.

How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket!

How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?

Take off the wheels!

When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.

It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.

In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.

Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?

How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they sit in the dark and cry.

Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.

Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?

They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!

Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth?"

Girl, scan the code on your wrist.

You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"

How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?

How do you know the hooker killed herself?

She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.