A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”
How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, because it’s the normal person's height.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
How dare you people make 9/11 jokes? It's just "plane" rude!
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
How do you name a Chinese kid?
Throw a frying pan on their head, "Ching Chong!"
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
How do you cause an African parade?
You just carry a water bottle around and hold it up!
Why did the 2 4s skip lunch? They already 8! Jahshshs.
And how did the pirate know that she saw land? She was shore of it! If u get it leave a like. Hahahahaha and which thing was heavier, a feather or steal? It's they way the same amount 🤣 😂 😅 😆 🙃 😄 🤣 😂 😅 😆 🙃 😄 🤣 😂 😅 😆 Lol like
How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
So many things are going through my head
How am I not dead yet?
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
How is the world's fattest avocado called?
Niko
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
