A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
My friend: How are you running so fast? You just had 10 hamburgers!
Me: It’s the 10 hamburgers that are making me run fast!
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
How do you ground a Gen Z?
Make them go outside and socialize.
How do you get a blonde to drown?
Stick a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
"How would you describe a really bad skeleton?"
"Bad to the bone!" (Or "Rotten to the bone" if you want.)
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
Yo mama was so dumb, he didn't know how to turn on his computer.
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
We got Spider-Man Homecoming, Spider-Man Far from Home, then Spider-Man No Way Home, considering society’s current state and how shitty 2023 is, the next movie is probably gonna be Spider-Man Homosexual.
