Home jokes
Dark jokes are like home. A lot of people don't get it.
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home plate.
Why did the orphan run away?
They wanted to go home.
What do you call a kid with no home?
A homeless kid.
Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Wanna know what my favorite feeling is? Warmth. Fuck, I left the oven on!
Where do orphans shop?
Home Bargains.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
A boy went to a genie and said, "I want to be like Batman."
He went home, his parents weren't there.
Why did the orphan get kicked out of baseball?
They couldn't hit home base.
I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...
A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.
An orphan tried to make an app about orphans, but there was no home page.
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
Why do people love dating orphans?
Because they're always home alone.
I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
The umpire and the catcher were having a conversation. The runner slid into home, “I slid into this conversation.”