Hold Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Hey can u hold this for a second

Knock knock who's there? rabid cow rabid cow who? hold on I need to get my gun....

Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday? Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day. Teacher: Why is that your least favorite? Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive. Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?

How many fingers am I holding? I'm not HOLDING any fingers.

What holds the sun ☀️ up in the sky?

Sunbeams

"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back... The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”

will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today! beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that! will: Yey! beverly: What should we bring him? will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* come in the bucket!

is mrs wall here.No.Is mr wall here.No.Than what is holding up the walls

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

which city holds the record for the most sucides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building? it was called fall-adelphia.

Touch u toes and hold them than spell run it will say .r.u.n

That shit was trash. You cant handle me. Hold up. Aint you nathaniel B??

I prank called someone and I said is there a miss is wall there they said no they is there a Mr wall there they said no is there any Walls there they said no then what's holding up your billding