Him jokes
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him to eat 200 balls.
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.
What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, do you take him to PC World or A&E?
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
Some man was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
Why did Bob Ross die?
Because the paint brush stabbed him.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
How did Steven Hawking die?
His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~