Him jokes

Mother

    • Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!

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    • Man

    • A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

    A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

    Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

  • 4

    • Wife

    • To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?

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    • Trampoline

    • My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

  • 2

    • Mushroom

    • A mushroom walked into a pub.

    He asked the bartender to give him a beer.

    The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."

    The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"

  • 1

    • Blowjob

    • Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...

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    • Fire

    • Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.

    Child

    • How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

    Apparently not enough to impress him.

  • 2