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A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

  • 4

    • To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?

    My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

  • 2

    • A mushroom walked into a pub.

    He asked the bartender to give him a beer.

    The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."

    The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"

  • 1

    • The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

    Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.

    Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...

  • 0

    • Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?

    Because when it beeps, it's him!

    Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.

    If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, do you take him to PC World or A&E?

    How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

    Apparently not enough to impress him.

  • 2

    • My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.

    Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.

    A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."

    Why did Stephen Hawking die?

    Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.

    My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

    I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.