Him jokes

What did the lion say to the lion tamer? Nothing, because when the lion tamer whipped the lion, the lion killed him.

The depressed kid tried to high five the tree.

But the tree left him hanging!

My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.

Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.

Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.

During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"

A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.

And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"

There is this boy in my year; he is in a wheelchair, so I kicked a football at him and pushed him, and then I shouted, "Rocket League!"

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

Aiden and Gwen! Are Aiden and Gwen dating? 'Cause if they are, then oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Kenya says: Yes, they are deep in love!

Tenya says: Yeah, but I think he would be good with Hoochie girl 101!

Gwen says: Guys stop! You really think that!

Tenya and Kenya say: Yes!

Kariah says: No! I belong with him. He is MINEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Mariah says: Girl, you need to grow up!

Tenya says: Yeah! When are you guys getting married?

Lariah says: YEAH!!!!!!

Iariah says: Yeah!!!!!!!

Gwen says: Next Sunday!

All girls say: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next Sunday, they got married! YAYAYAYYAYAYAY!

Mariah says: Congrats!

Kenya says: Yeah!

Kariah says: Hi Aiden, super cute tux!

Lariah says: Wooohoooo!

Iariah says: Yeah! U won it!

Tenya: This is you guys' time to shine!!!!!!!!

And they lived happily ever after...in hell! The end!

Slapped cheese on my white friend, told him I like cheese on my crackers.

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.

The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say, "Boy, you can keep it!"

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five.

It left him hanging.

So you see all these Baby Yoda memes when you go online, But you have never really seen the show with him.

He is just SOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.