HI jokes

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.

What do you call a Mexican who's lost his car?

Carlos.

Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?

What did The Rock say to his dad?

"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"

It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?

'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!

Hi stone, I'm watching.

A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"

The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."

Where does a snowman keep his money?

In a snowbank.

My grandad broke his legs.

To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.

Why does a woodpecker have a beak?

So as to not smash his head against the tree.

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.

What does a Chinese guy say to his lover? “You’re the ying to my yang!”

I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.

I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.

Man, I love working at the orphanage.

How does Osama feed his child? "Here comes the airplane, here comes another one."

Why doesn't Jesus participate in Battle Raps?

All his comebacks take three days.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"