HI jokes

Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.

Everyone else in the office: 😱

An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on technology. So I unplugged his life support. (ref)

How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:

1. Sell Casemeiro 🤑 2. Sell Pernandes 🤑 3. Sell Bencho 🤑 4. Sell Trashford 🤑 5. Terminate penaldo 🤑 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal 📝

These came down deep from my heart. Don’t let me down again, please.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.

His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”

Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”

I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.

My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.

Why does Donald Trump love little boys?

Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little cocks.

Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.

If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal? His left shoulder.

Why do orphans hate family-size candy?

Because they can't share it with their family.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.

What do you call a Mexican who's lost his car?

Carlos.