HI jokes

What did the magician do as a trick in his show?

Make your doubts about magic... DISAPPEAR!

If a gay person is vegan, how does he have sex? He will keep getting meat stuck in his ass and in his throat.

When you have to fight an emo kid, but he brings his friends, so you gotta fight the Suicide Squad. But you gotta get the boys to help you.

Why does Aaron chug beer on a Wednesday?

Because his dad beats him every single day because he has scoliosis.

Stephen Hawking's best subjects were Physics and Maths. His worst was P.E.

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theater."

Fiancee: "Break a leg!"

Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em!

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

Hi Jake!

Hi Manuel.

What can't a sniper say to his wife?

"I missed you."

Hi dude!

When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.

Teacher: We have a new student. He's an orphan.

Student: Oof.

Teacher: Is anyone missing?

Student: His parents.

Time for a random Terraria joke.

Q: Why did the guide die at his house?

A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.

(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!

Hi, this is Chloe, and I am about to tell you about my joke.

Why did the cow cross the road? Because to get to the other side.

Hi, I'm the wicked wiener!!!