HI jokes
Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.
What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?
"That rotten asshole split on me again!"
I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because on his side, there was a KFC shop.
I met Lebron James, and he was so bald at the time that I could count his hairs.
And that's 1 hair and maybe 2.
Memes
Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?
His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!
"5 dollars if a fat guy can find his penis."
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
Why is Dawayne so small? Because his parents cut him up into small slices!
Three men were lost in the desert and found a genie who granted each of them a wish.
The 1st man wished he was home with his family. The 2nd man wished he was home with his family, and the 3rd man wished they were all back together again.
You when you face the boss the first time: :)
You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(
You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(
You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:
. --------
My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.
Dog: Woof!
Butcher: Say less.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
my grandfather cant a woman's taco anymore cause his balls fell off from getting to many tacos
Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
How does an orphan call his parents?
"..."