HI jokes
What did the Los Angels Police do when George Floyd said that he could not breath? they gave George Floyd two squirts of zicam cold remedy inside his nose
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
I love myself.
Where does Stephen Hawking go when he breaks his arm? PC World.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
Memes
Hi Sean!
FUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFUFDLLLUFF
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!
Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.
The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"
Stephen Hawking died because he did a wheelie and unplugged his charger.
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?
What did the rapper say when he broke his mic?
"Looks like I dropped the mic... literally!"
Why did the rapper bring a telescope to the studio?
To see his FUTURE in the STARS.
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?
Because he was too loud with his FLOW.