HI Jokes

What is an orphan's favorite time with his family?

"Me time."

Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.

The news of the brother getting sucked off regularly by his sister spread really fast... all over her face 🤤.

A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.

The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"

The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

Hi! Face rev for y’all!

I saw a dad shave his daughter's head because she made fun of a woman with cancer.

Good thing she didn’t make fun of a pregnant woman 🤭

Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!

My friends: Hi to my little friend!

How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.

Why did the little boy cry?

He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.

- What did the skeleton say to his friend?

- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...

What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?

Nothing, he just started wanking.

Why didn't they just switch him on and off again, or switch his batteries?

Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?

Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?

What's the difference between a Palestinian and a redneck?

At least the redneck was drunk when he married his cousin.

Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."

Question: Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Answer: Tequila

A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."

A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.

Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"