HI jokes

What does Michael Jackson say when he stubs his toe?

Ow!

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.

Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

The orphan asked a genie to become Batman. Then he went home and saw his parents dead.

Yo mama was so fat, Huggy Wuggy couldn't fit his arms around her!

I saw this kid sitting on the sidewalk and asked him where are his parents?

I love working at an orphanage.

Don't make fun of the emo kid, or he's gonna bring his friends and you gotta fight the Suicide Squad.

What did the orphan say to his parents?

I'm tripping balls right now!

Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.

Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Roblox Talent Shows be like:

Host: Next Up is Bob!

Bob: Hi! I'll be singing Pian-

*Buzzing Noises*

Judges: You suck!

Bob: I'm reporting!

*Bob get's kicked from the server*

How does an American know that his time has come?

He starts hearing Vietnamese.

I think God is cool with abortion.

After all, he did kill his only son.

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him up!

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."

Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."

Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."

I moved so much stone today.

I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.