HI jokes

What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?

"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."

The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"

What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school?

Hi.

My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

So all his friends came in one car.

What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?

Chocolate arm.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"

The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."

A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.

The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"

Why was the slave so happy? Because he got his master's degree.

Chuck Norris can toss Jupiter at the Sun with his bare hands.

And he still cannot win a fighting match against Bruce Lee.

My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.

Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?

What?

A nail gun!

What's the difference between an orphan's parents and his boomerang?

One of them actually came back.

Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.

What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.

What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?

"Just Beat It."

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.

Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!

Why did the orphan fall off the mountain? Because his parents let go.