HI jokes

How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?

His dick tastes funny...

"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"

Stephen Hawking tried comedy.

His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."

A man gets captured by cannibals.

Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."

Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?

Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type...

His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?

Because his snake bit it off!

What did Thanos say when he snapped his finger? Another one bites the dust.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.

A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.

The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."

A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.

"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"

"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."

"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."

Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?

He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.

A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants.

A guy walks by and says, "Pardon me sir, but you've got a wheel hanging down your pants." The pirate responds, "I know. It's driving me nuts!"

What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?

"Do you need help packing your shit?"

There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."

The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"