HI jokes

What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?

A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.

My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To get to the other side (suicide).

Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?

To see his flatmate.

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?

The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?

What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?

Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! 😂😂😂

What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?

A-doll Hitler!

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.

Stephen Hawking isn't dead; his update is just laggy because he is too far from the WiFi box.

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?

His teeth.

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

Because he lost his filling.

I moved so much stone today.

I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.

The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"