Hes jokes

Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"

So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."

So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"

The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.

JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.

Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!

It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.

Little Johnny fucked a girl, ran away, fucked another, ran, went to the strip club, got a private dance, he has sex with them, fucking ran, yelled to some random bitch ass guy, "Fuck him, he's a bitch." He bends down, they have sex on the street, they go home, have sex, little Johnny wakes up, questions himself, fucking does it again. He goes to the strip club, fucks some more people, when he is drunk, questions himself some more, then tries phone sex, but his dick is too small.

Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?

He always gets a great turnout.

Jesus stinks so bad he killed all living things in Heaven.

So Joe was at the store and he was looking for a dildo.

Then he saw one made out of dick skin, so he grabbed it and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UhuhUhUhUhUhuHuHuHuHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his mouth.

PENIS PENIS

The reason Stephen Hawking died was because he switched WiFi routers from Sky to Virgin, so his computer lagged out.

My friend Joe was a great hunter. He always shot like 3 deer every week.

He was even better at school when he bagged 30 of them.

A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”

The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”

How did the hipster burn his lips?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?

He's got some "sweet" moves!

Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house?

He was snowed in.

What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?

He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.

We all know 6 is scared of 7 because 789, but why did 10 have PTSD?

He was stuck in the middle of 9/11...

Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.

Air.

What would be Joe Biden's name if he was an orphan? "Joe."

I went for a swim in the river that crosses Mexico, and I saw a Mexican, aka a wetback, swimming across. I asked, and he said, "I'm a wetback."

My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."

Why wasn’t the rabbit jumping?

Because he was dead.

Yo forehead so big that when I asked Vegeta how big it is, he said “IT’S OVER 9000!”