Hes jokes
Why does Joe Biden like cold weather? Because he’s used to being in the teens.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson live in a Barbie world?
A: ♫He's made of plastic, it's fantastic!♪
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
Why did Harry fall out of the boat?
Because he's hooked!
Why?
Why was the cow afraid?
Because he's a coward!
Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?
Because he’s a hoot.
Chuck Norris is...
What? You don't need to know what he is. He's just, Chuck.
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
I would stop bullying the orphan kid, what's he gonna do? Cry to his mommy?
What do you call James Bond when he’s taking a bath?
Bubble 07.
Why can't the cheetah play hide and seek? Because he's always spotted.
A man who thinks he's funny but is actually a transvestite/transformer.
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.
Him: How do you break things?
Me: You break things up.
Him: Okay.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Kate: Can we have a threesome?
Trevor: Sure.
The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.