When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!". And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated you arms."
how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.
It's funny how Stephen hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking but he can't do any of those things
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
My grandfather was there when the titanic sank..he shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they Finally kicked him out of the movie theater............haha
So I was being robbed and this guy had the gun to my head to i told him he was holding it backwards.
Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she's going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he's Doing REALLY Well
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says " Stop ye Im a magical tree you can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks then as he goes to swing the axe he says,"you may be a magical tree... But you will dialog!"
A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies "we did, but no one liked it."
What does a spy do when he's cold? He goes under cover.
What do you call you're daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What's the good news? "We managed to save his arm." "What's the bad news?" "We couldn't save the rest of him."
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand. He said, But Dad I'm blind. Exactly
Chuck Norris doesn't turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries
Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed. But she has to. She's his mom.
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
