Hes jokes

I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.

Question: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Answer: Dam.

My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭

R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.

Roses are red, violets are violet.

My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.

When the school shooter asks the autistic kid which hostage he wants to rape, and he looks at you like 😋.

A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.

His wife asked what that was for.

"It is for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"

Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.

Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...

And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.

When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.

Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."

A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"

He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.

The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."

Why couldn't the cowboy go to the rodeo?

He forgot his calves!

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

So, we all know that old kids' joke: why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9. Well, why was 10 scared? Because he was in the middle of 9 11.

I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.

Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.

What happened to the leper when he accidentally walked into the screen door?

He strained himself.

Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."

Why did the orphan chase the family? Because he was jealous that he did not have a family.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.