A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
Hes Jokes
Why did the astronaut bring the seeds to space?
Because he wants to planet the seed! 🤣🤣🤣
A man walks into a bar... and he never walks out.
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰
Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?
Because he needs the parent's signature.
Why can't Biden play chess?
Because he doesn't have the towers.
What did Michael Jackson say?
Nothing, he's dead.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
Why didn't Neptune marry Saturn?
Because he knew he wasn't hot!
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
Why did Lucas die?
'Cause he was old, Lucas.
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.
There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.
I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
