One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.
Yo mama so fat, she uses the equator as her belt.
I told the emo girl to stop playing fruit ninja on her wrists.
I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.
My ex keeps missing me. But her aim is steadily improving...
What's so similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the sperm inside her? They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mum is gonna kill me!"
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”
Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
