I didn't know I raped her, I thought she wanted me to hurry up.
Yes the Queen has died today, can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross dressing as her.
what similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her
there both thinking oh shit my moms going to kill me
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.
Why wouldn’t Mrs Grapes 🍇 leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.
So a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on; Doctor: "so your wife she is paralyzed from the neck down" and as the doctor goes he says all the things the man must do for her like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says " why, WHY ME!" Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the mans ear and says " I'm just fuckin with u she's DEAD!"
British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment. Her husband couldn't fuck her the way her stupidity could
when her head game is so strong she sucks the chromosome right out of you
Girl playing outside: step on a line and you break your mommy's spine She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming
Girl playing outside :step on a crack and you break daddy's back She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming
The husband starts celebrating gets in the car and starts to drive away
The son comes outside and steps on a crack
The dad then dies in a car crash
Onna day Imma going to Malta to bigga hotel In the morning I go downa to eat breakfast, I tell the waitress I want to pieces of toast, She brings me only one piece, I tell her I want to piece, She sais: "go to the toilet", I say: "you nounderstand", I wanna piece on my plate, she says: "you better not piss on your plate you son of a bitch", I don't even know the lady and she calls me a son of a bitch
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eata at the bigga restaurant, the waitress brings me a spoon and a knive, but no fork, I tell her i wanted a fork, she tella me everyone wanna fuck, i tell: "you don't understand, I wanna fork on my table", she says: "you better not fuck on the table you son of a bitch", I don't even know the lady and she calls me a son of a bitch
I dont need this shit!
So I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed, call the manager and telling him I wanna a sheet, he tella me go to the toilet, I say: "you don't understand, I wanna sheet on my bed", he says: "you better not shit on my bed you son of a bitch",
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk says 'peace on you', I say 'piss on you too you son of a bitch, Im going back to Italia, ariva derchi'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent
I like my women like I like my microwaves Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her can you stop smacking its annoying. Then she said I cant its a juicy type of candy. So I said, I can stop the candies from making that sound. Then she said how? So I smacked her. :)
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god my mom's gonna kill me!"
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold
3 blonde girls are on an isalnd and they are much to far away from land to swim, they find a genie on the island who offers them each 1 wish the first girl says "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island" so the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island. The next girl says "I wish I was even smarter then her so I don't have to do so much manual labor" so she turns into a brunet and makes a sail boat and lets the wind take her off the island. The finale girl says "I wish I was smarter then both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
Your mama so fat when Santa saw her he said ho ho holy S***
Three Nuns died in a car crash, they went up to heaven at the pearly gates the gate keeper said this really should not have happened so I am going to send you back to earth as different people so tell me who you want to be or look like the first nun said I want to look like Madonna puff,,you look like her now and but you can’t use her name And sent her down to earth. The second one said I want to look like Marilyn Monroe he then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun I said I want to look like Sarah Pipalini. The gate keeper says to her, Sarah Pipalini who is that? she gives the gate keeper a newspaper article he reads it shakes his head no and says it’s not Sarah Pipalini it Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men.
I was working at the bank today when an old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping, the boy asks "what is that man doing?". The mom says "Making pizza" trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says "Making extra cheese". When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says "Ordering the pizza".
Later that day the mother says to the father "I think I want some to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, dont know why that sounds good".
So that night the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs "wanna order some pizza !?"
The mother replied "DONT WORRY IM MAKING SOME"
the sons voice followed " IM ADDING EXTRA CHEESE"
