Herring jokes

An emo tried to high-five a tree. The tree left her hanging.

Roses are red, her name is Lily, she bends over, and said "HARDER, DADDY!"

The best night of my life was when I gave my virginity to my wife, and her last word was when she called me "Mommy" at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.

Yo mama is so fat she can't even get in her own car because she's fat.

Your mum is so fat, I had to take 2 buses and a train to get to her good side.

Yo mama so fat that when she looks into a mirror, it always shatters, because her weight could be felt all around.

Why does Sophia have no ears? Her mom gave her, her first haircut.

Yo mama so fat, Trump used her like a wall.

I got fired from a pickle factory for getting my finger caught in a slicer. They only gave *her* the day off with pay... unfair!

So today an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... Hhah.

Why did the boy kill his girlfriend?

Because he had a crush on her.

An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.

"I will see her in one week!"

A week later, he died.

Yo momma so dumb, she washes her dishes in the river.

"You momo joso fat, she went in the ocean and the whales came up to her and started singing, ""We Are Family"" even though you are father than me."

You're so ugly whenever you say hi, people walk away and say that you were too ugly, and they go take a bath right away because you're so stinky.

They say that you look like your mama. Wait, your mama must be just like you because I can see her way from a mile!

You say you put on perfume, but every time I smell you, you smell like poo-poo. You're so ugly that when your mom looks in the mirror, you cry. You're so stupid the second-grade teacher had to tell you to go all the way to kindergarten. Head Start is every grade below you. You can't even go to the 20th grade, which stands for 9th grade. You can't even go to grocery stores, and people that tell you that you're so ugly give you compliments just to make you feel better. You know that everybody just likes you just because they just don't want to hurt your feelings, so just stay in your mind. Hey, you want to text Matt; you know it was you because every time you see you, you think that you matter. Matter fact, he doesn't even like you; he just wants your money girl. Who even likes you? 😈😈

My brother said, "Bruh, why you so ugly plus why do you stink?" Me: "Is that supposed to be a roast? I got one for you. Why do you look like you came out the wrong side of your mother? Instead of her stomach, you came out of her butt. That's why you were born with brown spots on your head. That's her poop, you stupid fuckface." My friends: "Ouch that's gotta hurt."

Hey guys, the prank for today is when I lied about feeling sick so I wouldn't have to go to school.

Introduction: This prank was committed a week ago! Around 5:00 a.m. in the morning!

1. I got out some eggs, milk, salt, and a little bit of mashed olives... well those are the main ingredients.

2. I mixed it all up for about 2 mins just to make it look really like barf...no going to school today!

3. I put it under the sofa just to give it some solid scent to it.

4. I fixed my breakfast eggs and bacon. Then when my mom comes down I...PULL OUT MY FAKE BARF!!!!! News flash make a fake excuse for her to leave! My excuse is "I need something its in my room I don't want to get cause it would waste time".

She fell for it. Then I pull out my FAKE barf which looks like real barf. Then you say or I said "Mom I don't feel so good"! News flash: Don't over sell it think about all that boring school work! and guess what she fell for it so I spend all day doing nothing...absolutely nothing!

Well that's the prank. Anymore pranks you want ask me in the comment section! Byeeeeeeeeeee

Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.

2nd comments from Gwen in her bra.

Keie: Man Man man! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heyo: 👅🍑

Bari: STOP U FUCKIN PEDOS!!!!!!!!!!

Kenya Bailey: THAT IS ENOUGH! I AM REPORTING ALL OF THIS CRAP TO THE ADMIN!!!!!!!!!!!

Remera Karwi: Shut up! We jus tellin her she looks like a star no need for all that "crap".

Kenya Bailey: One guy put tongue and peach aka butt I know a little bit about oral sex my friend or not!

How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They tell her to sit in the corner in a circular room.