Herring jokes

Cancer

What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?

Her dad didn't beat cancer.

Cheetah

What did the mother cheetah say to her cub?

"Go to bed or I'll slap your spots off you!"

Mum

Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.

Loop

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

Memes

Momma

Yo momma is so fat, her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.

Wheelchair

Me and my girlfriend broke up, and I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Sister

Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!

Red: snooore, snoooore

Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*

Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*

Chuck VS RED

Both LOSE!

Cancer

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Nose

What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?

She slurs her words...

Orphan

What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?

OH it's a bitch.

Bullying

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

Yo mama

Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.

Item

He placed the chocolates and the flowers down beside her.

Silence...

And then at last she spoke...

"Unexpected item in the bagging area."

Balance

So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.