Herring jokes
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?
The husband answers her: Pretty.
The wife responds: Thank yo-
The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!
One day an old woman came into the bank and asked me to check her balance... So, I pushed her over.
Memes
Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."
Yo momma is so ugly, Slenderman runs from her.
It's also why he has no eyes.
Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!
Yo mama's so ugly that Sonic needed to go fast to get away from her face.
Yo momma is so fat, her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?
Her dad didn't beat cancer.
Q: How did Helen Keller break her wrist?
A: Reading road signs.
Yo mama is so ugly that not even goldfish smile back at her.
Yo mama's so fat, her pad is a king-size mattress.
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?
She slurs her words...
Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!
Red: snooore, snoooore
Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*
Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*
Chuck VS RED
Both LOSE!
Me and my girlfriend broke up, and I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.