Herring jokes

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won’t believe it! Little Johnny just pulled out his PP in class." The mother responded, "Well, what did it look like?" Sally said, "It looks like a peanut." The mother said, "Oh, it was small." "No, it was salty," said Sally.

How do you blind an Irish woman?

You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.

Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.

Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.

Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.

How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?

By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddy bear.

A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."

Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!

My favorite sex position is the “JFK,” I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car 😂

"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."

I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.

I was in the bank one day, and this old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

Why did Little Sally drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear.

Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.

How can you tell if your sister is on her period?

Your father's dick tastes funny.

Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!

When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!

Later!

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."

A boy walks into class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Another boy walks in with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Then a girl walks in, and the teacher says, "And where on earth have you been?" The girl says, "Well, you see..." Then the teacher stops her and says, "Let me guess, on a peach hill?" The girl says, "No, on 2 big cucumbers."