Herring jokes

Yo mama is so big, her belt size is "equator."

Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

Yo mama's so ugly, her birth certificate is an apology letter.

Yo mama's so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

Yo mama's so old, her social security number is one.

Yo mama's so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

Yo mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.

Yo momma's so fat, it takes her 1,000,000 hours on the toilet.

Yo momma so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall!

Yo momma is so old, her birthday's expired.

Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity.

But she so ugly people are repelled by her.

Yo momma's so fat that even Dora can't explore her.

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

Yeah, Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad, I know, yeah, I'm sad, I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah.

I gave her everything. She took my heart and left me lonely. I think broken heart's contagious. I won't fix, I'd rather weep. I'm lost then I'm found. But it's torture bein' in love. I love when you're around. But I f**kin' hate when you leave. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah.

Yo mama's so fat, her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."