New Hereness Jokes - Page 29 - Worst Jokes Ever

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."

So the guy replies,

OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."

So the guy replies,

OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "Here you go!"

So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.

I smell up dog in here.

"What's up, dog?"

Nothing much, how about you?

Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,

And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.

Here are some skeleton jokes.

You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.

If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.

I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.

I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.

I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!

I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.

I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.

Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!

I did 9/11 here's proof https://youtu.be/BVH73TonuG8

What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?

"Here's the beef of the week!"

My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.

I said “40.”

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.

Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."

What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”

There are millions of people in the world, yet you are here.

Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!

Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.

Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.

Baby, here's my anus.

Baby, too, where's my anus?

Knock knock. Hwoo's there? Far from home. Hwoo's far from home? Spider-Man.

What did one ballsack say to another?

"You stay here, I'll go pee."

Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!