How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.
Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.
An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her!
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?
Give her a shovel.
