Have jokes
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
Why do you think China should have a baseball team?
They can destroy the entire world with a single bat.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.
Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
Why can't Americans play chess? They have no towers.
What is the difference between iPhones and orphans?
iPhones have a home button.