Have To

Have To jokes

Waitress

    • So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."

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    • Girl

    • A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”

    Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”

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    • Democrat

    • You can’t say “dwarf” anymore; you have to say “little people”.

    You can’t say “fat”; you have to say “plus size”.

    You can’t say “retard”; you have to say “democrat”.

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    • Science Teacher

    • I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

    My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

    You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

    I'll shut up now.

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    • Orphan

    • A man and a boy went into a forest. The boy said he was scared. The man said, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."

    Have To memes

    Pickup

    • When it's ready for pickup today, I have to get my stimulus payment for a while, and then we'll go to bed... 🥱🥹🥺

    Song

    • Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily. You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks. Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world? (Ah-ah-ah-ah) And good for you, I guess that you've been workin' on yourself. I guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped. Now you can be a better man for your brand new girl. Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me. If you ever cared to ask. Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me, baby. God, I wish that I could do that. I've lost my mind, I've spent the night Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom. But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it. But I guess good for you.

    Well, good for you, I guess you're gettin' everything you want (ah). You bought a new car and your career's really takin' off (ah). It's like we never even happened. Baby, what the fuck is up with that? (Ha) And good for you, it's like you never even met me. Remember when you swore to God I was the only Person who ever got you? Well, screw that and screw you. You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do. Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me. If you ever cared to ask. Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me, baby. God, I wish that I could do that. I've lost my mind, I've spent the night Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom. But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it. But I guess good for you.

    Ah-ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah-ah Maybe I'm too emotional But your apathy's like a wound in salt Maybe I'm too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all Maybe I'm too emotional Your apathy is like a wound in salt Maybe I'm too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me. If you ever cared to ask. Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me, baby. Like a damn sociopath. I've lost my mind, I've spent the night Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom. But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it. But I guess good for you.

    Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.

    Year

    • 🎆 New Year's Eve

    Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"

    Mom👱🏻‍♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"

    Dad👨🏻‍🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"

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    • Sister

    • I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

    The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

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    • Pill

    • Teacher: Kids, what are some things you have that make you happy? Kid 1: I have my family to make me happy. Kid 2: I have my friends to make me happy. Teacher: What about you, Sean? Sean: I have to take pills to make me happy...

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    • Suicide

    • I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

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