Have To jokes

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?

How names were named.

"I have to go because my tailor is at the gym where he will chase coal before dawn."

"SAY THAT AGAIN. SO MANY GOOD NAMES!"

The first time you have to do a full body workout in chess.

Why do people have a lot of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time?

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

Your hairline goes so far back you have to wear sunscreen.

You have been a bad boy, so now I will have to pun-ish you!

When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

Me: "Oh hell nah"

Running out of time to cut the grass, may have to cut it short.

Yo mamma so old that when she farts, we have to dust again.

Kid at Wish: I wish I could be Batman.

Doctor: Okay, shoots mum and dad. Doctor: I guess now you’ll have to be gay, you wanted to be like Batman.

Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.

My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?

Because they have to pay for road tax.

Did you know Africans don’t have to be black?

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

Your forehead is so big you have to wear a hoodie for the Rock to see your ego because your forehead is so big.

Why can an orphan not do school work?

Because they have to take their work home to their parents.