So a retarded kids mom drops her kid off at school and says “you better stop the bus today because I’m not picking you up” and so he agrees and he arrives at the bus stop and says “stop” (in a retarded voice) and the bus goes straight past him the next day the mom says the same thing and the kid goes to the bus stop and says “stop” (in a retarded voice) and the bus goes straight past him the third day his mom says “I don’t care if have to jump out in the middle of the road you better stop that bus” so the kid goes to bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says “Stop!” The bus driver runs over him a nearby lady stops the bus and says “why’d you run that poor kid over” and he responds “‘cause he was making fun of me” (in a retarded voice)
EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"
Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
Me and my girlfreind were walking in the woods, HER: I am Scared ME: What do you think I feel I have to walk back alone
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. They have to come out of the closet sometime
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
Yo mama so fat I have to take a train 2 buses and 3 airplanes to get on her good side.
Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is mestration, Periods, birth... Man: The Men have to deal with Women
You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."
You have to do this and my sister said well I don't care and I said well you care enough to respond back oh my gosh.
I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on lay-away.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog, with a sudden inspirational thought he picks the frog up, shoves a fire cracker up the frogs arse, lights the cracker and blows the frog to smithereens. Now at school the teacher asks the class :" Has any body got any thing for show and tell this morning"? Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis". "Ok Johnny, What do you have to share with the class today"? Little Johnny then says " Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frogs arse" the teacher interrupts and says " It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum". Johnny then says " Fucking oath it wrecked ; him'.
the terrorists said over the inter com we re coming up to our destination so we cant go over it we cant go under we have to go through it
What's the one upside to being an orphan? You never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
Why do orphans have to get an iPhone 12 Because it doesn’t have a home button
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden. He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, " You have to dig a little."
Hi guys, so today I have not thought of a joke, and I'm not really sure what to do so I thought I would do kinda a blog sort of thing so hope you enjoy and you don't have to read this!
So I woke up this morning and heard this weird noise and it was my dad building me a new gymnastics bar so I can have uneven bars which I am so excited about! And I am so glad that you guys have been nice and liking my jokes and stuff but also, make sure to comment below if you want to tell me what kind of jokes you want and what you want me to do and also, feel free to talk to me! Love y'all!!!
Me: *looks at persons hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
What did the icicle say to the snow? "Why do you have to be so soft?"
A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
