Hate jokes

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

I used to hate facial hair,

but then it grew on me.

I hate this website, lol.

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

Why do people hate math? They always get hungry while learning about the pie chart.

What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

What TV series do orphans hate?

"House, M.D."

Why do ableist people hate autistics?

They're scared they'll never be special enough.

What kind of chocolate do racists hate?

Dark chocolate.

Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.

These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.

Say "I hate happiness" without the H (all of them).

What kind of nut hates baseball? A nut that’s sick.

I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.

If you hate pedophiles, grow up.

In Soviet Russia,

You love Chinese and hate Chinese.

I hate autistic people.

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.