Happening jokes

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."

The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”

One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.

The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."

What happened the night Stephen Hawking came home wasted?

Nothing... wife couldn’t tell.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.

USA: "Never forget 9/11."

Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?

He became a navigator.

Most orphans were born on the highway. It’s where most accidents [happen].

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

What happened when the man died? Yes.

Why does this website have a home page? It's an orphan joke waiting to happen.

What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?

It left him hanging.

My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?

What happened to the chicken after he died? He did not say anything, so I don't know.

What happened after George Floyd went to the drugstore to buy zicam extreme congestion relief? George Floyd was able to breathe again

What happens when you get a virus-related sickness? It goes viral on Twitter!