This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.
I've done a ton of work today.
A SKELE-ton of work!
What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
