Halloween

Halloween jokes

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Me: *stabs vampire*

Wife: omg

Me: *beats vampire to death*

Wife: OMG

Me: What?

Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!

Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?

Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?

He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.

I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.

I barged into a Halloween party at my school with my air-soft AR-15!

I was so scary, EVERYONE ran away!

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.

What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.

Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?

It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...

What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?

They can both carve a new emotion.

I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all.

  • 1

    • A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"

    The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."

    The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

    Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.

    I’m back and have a joke my friend said!

    Person 1: My brother's Halloween costume is so ugly.

    Person 2: What was it?

    Person 1: He went as himself.

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    Terrier.

    Terrier who?

    Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!